An innocuos question that we ask virtually everyone we interact with...and yet, a question that can be ripe with implied (or perceived) meaning, replete with double-entendres for those of us on the unemployed side of the equation.
Wow, that's a lot to contemplate for such an innocent, frequently heartfelt question, isn't it? And yet ( at least from my fragile perspective) the query elicits a myriad of possible responses.
If it's asked by someone I trust, I receive it as a genuine inquiry into my well-being, and by extent, that of my family.
If it's asked by someone I am merely acquainted with, it's a general inquiry that I will respond to in kind: "It's great, thanks. And you?"
And if it's asked by someone who merely feigns interest and purports to care, well, the response varies depending upon my state of mind at the time.
So, in this phantom world that we call the internet, I ask you: "Why do you ask? Why do you care?" Because if you do care, then you would have a better sense of how it's going for me and my family, and you would be asking me a very different question. And if you don't care, spare me the bullshit. If you want to know my state of mind, my financial status, or how close I am to the edge, just ask the direct question.I've already been fired; I'm already there, and you have nothing sincere to offer - so do us both a favor and don't ask. I'm ready to respond honestly if you do ask, and I'm fairly certain you'll be justifiably offended by my response.
This is the frame of mind from which I respond to the majority of recruiters, aka "headhunters" (with good reason.) They call with a smile in their voice and concern dripping from their tone - right up until your answer to a question falls outside of their "formula".
As humans, we've all been privy to this pattern of response: the potential date who realizes that you're not as hot for them as they are hot for you (and therefore they shut down their pursuit of you - the quarry). The admissions officer who realizes there are other schools in pursuit of you, and, based on your response to their criteria, deem you on the fringe and not worthy of pursuing harder. The best friend who's no longer a best friend when they realize you are onto their "me or her" games. Their interest is shallow and self-serving; you are merely a statistic.
Sounds so petty and juvenile, yes? Guess what! Those same petty, trivial types of individuals possess the exact talents necessary to weed out the "unqualified". So when you take that call from a person who "cares" and wants to know how they can help you, be direct. To be honest would be to paint them into a corner, and they'll do that all on their own. To be direct means that you'll get the runaround, and you'll know exactly what you're dealing with. They'll promise to call back; they'll hint that they "might" have an opportunity ideally suited for you. And just like that (insert your own curse word here) from your formative years, you'll never hear from them again. Until their black book runs dry, and they start their cycle again.
And that's when it's your turn to do unto others as they've done to you. Please, pick up the phone and tempt me. I'm a graduate of the school of hard knocks, and I'd like to show you the skills I've learned, thank you very much.
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